We had a birthday gathering at the Scothorn's house tonight to remember Carlita and to have something to do on what would have been her 40th birthday. It was good to talk about her with some other people and to have something to do with myself other than having a pity party by myself. I was very surprised at how many people remembered her birthday and came to be together. Carlita's mom (who "flies" south for the winter and so was not there) was doing something similar in Arizona with some of her friends. I guess she was going to take a birthday cake. We did not have a birthday cake, but Diane very thoughtfully made a lovely pie. A very Carlita-ish pie. I think if we had had a birthday cake, I would have just cried. It would just feel too morbid for me, no offense Caroline. I wish Caroline could have been there with us tonight. But of course the even bigger wish is that none of this had happened and we really were gathering to celebrate, with Carlita, her 40th birthday.
I tried to go to Carlita's grave site before the "party" but we got there just as they were closing the gates. I have only been there once but Micah and Maddie and Brian and Nathan and Hannah were all there with me. I would like to be able to go there and just be by myself sometime, but it is a long drive and just hasn't happened yet. The permanent marker is finally there, Aaron told me. He had them put on it in Spanish, "onward and upward." I guess it was a Spanish phrase that a friend of theirs used a lot that Carlita liked. She also enjoyed speaking in Spanish, so Aaron put it on the marker. Very good choice, in my opinion. Another thing Aaron has done well in the midst of all of this.
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